What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 02:08
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What are some hard rock or heavy metal bands that are overrated?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Would this be the day?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What are some common examples of human hypocrisy?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Is The Last of Us Part 2 really as woke as people say it is?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
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And i lived it daily.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
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Was to survive, this bastard.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
How can I get a girlfriend? I am 26.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
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And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was scared of men, in general
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why do some men like older women?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What is your analysis of Walter White from Breaking Bad?
I have no regrets .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
How can I watch porn on TikTok?
She found it foreign!.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She married twice! .
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I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why do narcissists and especially covert narcissists always play the victim?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I will be 64.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
When she asked me how she looked .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was 9 years of age.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I couldn’t, believe it.
But it wasn’t much.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I could never make a relationship work though!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why did i forgive my father ?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I said to her
I was very sick at this time too.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
It was going to be , some day.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He resisted the act ,that day.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She was in good health!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Comes on , in middle age.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I waited trembling.
We all went to grammer schools
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Ive learnt so much.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He knew the spot.
I never cut or harmed myself..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Put me off passion for life!!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
This is soul school!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My life is so biszare .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
What did i know ?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Who then, do I blame.?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So whats the point in blame.
We were not on the streets..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I think the readers, may guess!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I don,t even have a pension.
My family never makes their pension either.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One cannot live in the past .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I write beautiful poetry .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im still living with it.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But, we were locked up after school.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
All the time i was locked up.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She wouldn,t have been !
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was seconnd youngest,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She loved him until the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!